Thursday, January 26, 2017

Tonya Pinkins Rap Roast (Diss) Challenge

I love to laugh at myself; I think it’s the best healer. ~ Tonya Pinkins

Last year after Tonya Pinkins publicly left CSC's production of Mother Courage and Her Children, I wondered what would become of her stage career and if her fans would ever see her grace the New York City Stage. Well, fans are still waiting and may have to wait a while since according to the New York Time article - Insult Tonya Pinkins? She Got There First - she is in Asia in search of teaching opportunities. 

Before she left though, she participated in a Roast Yourself challenge. She created a video and included all the terrible things people have said about her, her voice, her career, and her family and placed it all on youtube for all to witness. 

Here it is. 

The lyrics are sometimes cringe worthy. 

You've been warned...

tonya pinkins, all my life I been thinkin
you’re like the titanic,
cuz you’re big and you’re sinkin
you really stink
and you bring me to the brink
and so I’mma do to you
what booth did to lincoln
I’m not throwing away my shot
To letcha know your whole business of show has gone to pot
You’ve grown cold, the polar opposite of hot, 
You know your has-been fat black ass has gone to rot,
there’s no producer left who will use you. you’re deranged
from csc and tv and george c…you’re estranged
they say you are crazy and hateful and very strange
you outta your mind caroline. it’s time to change 
you quit mother courage? were you smoking crack?
you finally booked a good show
and left cuz brecht wasn’t black?
well now your traction is slack and your actin’s so whack
the american theater wing is gonna have to take your tony back
it’s clear your whole career is a sham
you’re an overgrown ham on a spit singin flimflam…
how could any fan stand you, god damn? 
go home! show’s over, bitch. It’s jelly’s last jam

tonya pinkins, all my life I been thinkin
you’re like the titanic,
cuz you’re big and you’re sinkin
you really stink
and you bring me to the brink
and so I’mma do to you
what booth did to lincoln
i’mma put you on blast. Teach you a thing or two. 
sit your ass in my class.
you casting stones at plays and the ways I was cast?
well look out bitch, you livin in a house made of glass
no wonder you are lookin so tired and out of sorts
ya spent your whole life fightin in the family courts
you can afford makeup to cover your warts
but where’s the money for your child supports?
i’m getting a sense of your style of childcare
it’s no wonder all your husbands got the fuck outta there
you once were plush. now you’re just thread bare
you’re the only Tony winner best known for being on welfare
you shitty ass, deadbeat excuse for a mom
you shoulda had their daddy pull out and splooge in his palm
that’d be better than your kids knowin that they come from the narcissist star of

you’re just made at me cuz your career has slid
screamin “Holla if ya hear me,”  but whoops, no one did!
well, you’ve been married three times. 
my god, Tonya, Are there any men left who have not gotten up on ya?
your singin voice is gravelly, grainy and coarse
i’d rather listen to your waterboard torture a horse
well you’re the one we know was always destined to fail
dumb enough to turn down a full ride to yale

at least I’m not a dopey old phony bologna
left sittin alone on her sofa who mopes
goin’ “No one remembers me. How could it be
that I really was only well known for the soaps?”
at least I’m not desperately seeking attention
pathetic old wretch on a bender who’s clearly
only intent on expressing aggression
to get in the press with a conspiracy theories
half the time I hear you sing, you’re in the wrong key
you say you’re pro black, but you married a honky
you’re a has been, a hack, a floozy, a slut
your initials are tp so wipe my butt…

Other Posts
Another NYT Critic Pick - Bertolt Brecht's "Mother Courage and Her Children" by CSC

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